I have a dear friend with whom I often exchange emails.

In our most recent exchange, I mentioned that I sometimes imagine our emails are actually quill and paper letters delivered by some medieval courier. My mind's voice reads each word in some strange accent that harkens back to an old world.

Crazy? Maybe. Maybe not.

There was a time when even casual correspondence was afforded the kind of detailed attention that all relationships, regardless of their depth, deserved.

Before lolspeak and emoticons, we had carefully chosen words that were full of emotion and personality. Misconception and misunderstanding were the exception.

Hand-written letters were an intimate matter between souls where the words of men and women ended careers, established dynasties, altered the course of history, and even caused them to fall in love.

Now, the power words once held has been dispatched in favor of satisfying our impatient nature. We tweet. We pulse. We text. We snap chat. Instead of expressing myself fully so that you will not only understand my intent but hear the heart behind my words, I am asked to condense the entirety of my thoughts into 140 characters... or less.

I fear we do ourselves a disservice.

I often encourage people to speak at length when commenting on my posts. While I don't mind the occasional succinct response, my belief is the longer, the better. Words serve to flesh out the skeletal framework of a person's personality. As you share more, the details of who you are come more into focus. And ultimately it is that complete picture that I most desire to see.

Okay, so after polling a few coworkers, here are the top 10 Offensive Survey Questions they came up with...

1. Which relative do you imagine naked most often?
2. When was the last time you kicked your pet?
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being once a week and 10 being multiple times a day, how often do you download illegal content?
4. How confident are you in knowing which one of your mother’s boyfriends is your real father?
5. Which drug(s) have you stopped using this week?
6. After a typical night of binge drinking, how easy is it for you to recognize the person you wake up next to in bed?
7. How much did you like or dislike your most recent booking photo?
8. Who was the first person you told about your REAL sexual orientation?
9. When caught crossing the street to avoid minorities, what’s the excuse you use most often?
10. How often do you submit anonymous nude photos to Tumblr sites?

These are what you call "baited questions" in that to answer them implies something indirect to the question itself. And yes, this is obviously a joke. I don't expect anyone to answer these questions.

Sometimes I forget if I've shared something with my Xanga family. I know I talked about my son's audition last week, but I don't think I showed anyone his audition video! So, if you have 3 minutes to spare, take a look see. I guarantee is far less boring than my post on getting a new super deluxe bed.

Of the many things that I miss lately, sleep is very near the top of the list (along with vacation, alone time with my wife, quiet children, and an influx of discretionary funds). While many of the items on this list are a direct result of or easily affected by circumstance, a select few (read: one) of them can actually be modified to a degree. This one is SLEEP.

I am happy to announce that this coming Wednesday, my sleep... nay, my overall nocturnal existence will undergo a dramatic change! What will bring about this change? I'm glad you asked...

A couple weeks ago, my darling wife (bless her forward-thinking heart) convinced me to schedule an appointment with one of the Sleep Specialists over at Select Comfort. Now, for the uninitiated among you, Select Comfort manufactures the well-touted Sleep Number beds. According to their website, "The Sleep Number bed gently cradles and supports your body. With adjustable firmness on each side, you’ll both enjoy more deep restorative sleep. In fact, it’s the only bed clinically proven to relieve back pain and improve sleep quality." I have to admit that I was skeptical at first. Like, way skeptical. Skeptical to the point of being a bit dismissive to our friends who'd already purchased Sleep Number beds and swore by them. But, having been a recipient of my wife's wisdom many times in the past, I figured it couldn't hurt to go to one of the stores and check out the beds firsthand.

When we got to the store, we met up with our "Tour Guide" (because they give you a tour of the various beds) who asked us to lay down on the basic model so that we could determine our sleep number (mine is 45 btw). After that, we were moved from one bed to the next, experiencing the various features that are available depending on the type of bed you purchase.

The basic model offers adjustable firmness and not much else. But there are other beds that offer memory foam, adjustable bases, and massage features (vibrating beds ftw ). I was amazed. No, seriously. A-MAZED!

Now I'm a believer.

We purchased the p5 bed with the Flex Fit+ upgrade and a removable memory foam comfort layer.

So come Wednesday, they will deliver and install the bed for us. Then I will no longer suffer from numb shoulders or an aching back from sleeping so poorly. If I had my way, I wouldn't get out of the bed for 3 days after its delivery! lol

Prologue

Okay, so let me start off by just telling you up front that no, he did not make it into further rounds of the audition. He was let go after the second round of auditions in front of show and label producers. But I must say that this was an amazing experience for both me and my son. So, what exactly happened? Well, let me tell you... oh, and yes I know they said something about photos, but I conveniently forgot.

Day 1

As I mentioned briefly before, the process started with registration. Registration opened on Monday at 7:00am and continued 24/7 until 11:00am on Wednesday (with Wednesday being the actual audition date). We (me, my son, his friend and her mother, who drove) decided to go on Tuesday morning so that the time off needed from school and work would occur over two consecutive days instead of a day in between. Because most of the people showed up on Monday, we were able to get in and get out in roughly 15 minutes. We were given color-coded wrist bands and told to be in line the following morning no later than 6:30am.

Day 2

We carpooled again and made it back to the audition location at around 6:00am. Where yesterday saw the street in front of the building completely empty, this same area was congested with thousands of people by the time we arrived, and thousands more filled in behind us. Because everyone had color-coded wrist bands, there were no lines necessarily. Just throngs of people pushed together between the barricades in the street. They assured us that everyone who was there would be seen that day.

In the meantime, they proceeded to film the crowd, the street, the building, the skyline, etc. for the promo drops in the upcoming season. They had the crowd sing along to a few uptempo songs by P!nk, Nikki Minaj, Beyonce and One Direction. You know, the whole fist pump, hand waving, jumping excitement as if we weren't nearly as cold as the constant huddling and shivering indicated between takes.

We met some very cool people in the crowd. In particular were two twin guys who were just fun to be around (they are 3rd and 5th from the left in the picture below). My son and his friend, along with the people we'd met, all decided to sing their audition songs to one another.

This opened up the flood gates as pockets of people all around us started to sing various songs as well. Some were good. Others, well... it's a wonder they were there at all. It was a bit surreal at first, but the excitement among the crowd was steadily increasing along with the temperature outside as the sun rose higher.

We were finally shuffled inside and into our specific section. The sections in the arena determined the order in which you'd audition.

People who registered throughout the day on Monday would be seen first, followed by Tuesday registrants and so on and so forth.

The section we were in was FINALLY taken down to the audition area around 7:30pm. Yes, that's PM!

Inside the black curtained booth were two judges, one male and one female. He had a chance to sing one song (of the three he prepared) and was told yes by the both judges! This meant that he was given a yellow slip of paper that granted him access to the YES Room (that's what they called it).

Once in the YES Room, we filled out additional paperwork and were given our call time to come back the next day. Our call time? You guessed it... 6:30am. Unfortunately, his friend was given a call time of 10:30am which meant we wouldn't be able to carpool together.

Day 3

Since we didn't carpool, we were able to wake up an entire 15 minutes later than before! As it happened, we made good time on the road and arrived at our usual time of 6:00am. They had lines that were separated by category: Boys, Girls, Groups and Overs (people over 25).

We were back inside the arena by 7:00am and were prepared to wait for hours. This time, the process went much faster. After a bit of shuffling from section to section, it was my son's turn to audition around 9:45am.

We entered the enlarged curtained booth and again there were two judges. This time they were both men. They asked him a series of questions including his age, what school he went to and the significance of a whistle he wore with his outfit. He told the story (that we made up for the occasion, mind you) that his younger brother is an amazing athlete. Because his interest in music is very different than his brother's interest in sports, the whistle symbolizes his support for his younger brother when he's performing or auditioning. They loved the story.

Then they asked if there was anyone else in his family that sang. He smiled, pointed at me and said, "Oh yeah, my dad sings too. He's amazing." That's when they asked me if I was auditioning too. I told them no. I was just there to support my son 100%. They told me I should reconsider and to upload an audition video to the website. Then they asked me what I did for a living. After telling them, they encouraged me to audition once again. I just smiled.

Then they turned their attention back to my son and asked him to sing. Sadly, after singing two of his prepared songs, they told him, "Unfortunately, today is going to be a no. Thank you for coming out." and was unceremoniously dismissed.

Epilogue

While we understood that this isn't really a talent competition, we did wonder what it might have been that caused the judges to pass on my son. There were several people put through who weren't nearly as talented. But they were characters. Either wearing outrageous outfits or sounding outrageously horrible. I don't expect them to get beyond the audition in front of the judges. But it'll make for entertaining TV I'm sure.

I think perhaps the fact that my son is a minor and then told them that he came from a divorced home may have played a part. I know that there are many organizations who don't want the headache of dealing with minors from a divorced home. Too may potential legal issues if the parents don't get along. Maybe it was an unofficial rule for thinning the crowd. I don't know. But since he turns 18 in June, I encouraged him to try again next year. I think he will.

NOTE: It's not a coincidence that I didn't mention the name of the show in this post. We were told that everything was strictly confidential if you advanced to further rounds of auditions. But even though my son was cut, I still don't want to jeopardize his chances in the future. So please don't mention the name of the show in the comments either. Thanks.

I mentioned yesterday that my son was auditioning for the X-Factor. Well, today was the day...

We got up around 4:30am and drove over to my son's friend's house whose mother suggested we carpool and offered to drive. We got to her house around 5:30am and were well on our way around 6:00am. Even at 6:00am, there was still a good bit of traffic on the freeway. However, we managed to get downtown to the Galen Center by 6:30am. Finding our way over to the venue was a bit tricky, but we managed... and of course, I took pictures. That is, until one of the X-Factor crew told me pictures weren't allowed. Oops! So, here are the photos I was able to get before I was reprimanded.

Walking up to the building, we expected to see a line of thousands wrapped around the venue.

Instead, we saw... a lot of space. Empty space.

We walked right inside and thought perhaps the long zig-zagging line would be in here. It was not.

It was at that moment we realized that bringing folding chairs and a blanket would not be necessary. My son was none to happy to be carting around two folding chairs.

Although we filled out all of our paperwork before we got there, they told us, "Oh, we're not going to use that. Here, fill this out instead." :whatevah"

I was surprised to see that there were about the same number of people in front of as behind us. When we got up to the registration desk, we showed them our completed paperwork, two forms of ID (each), were given color-coded wristbands and were done in less than 10 minutes total. So now we repeat the entire thing tomorrow. Except this time, we'll be there to audition.

...or rather, a recurring dream I've had over the last 3 years is that I'll go to my computer, attempt to log on to Xanga, only to find a landing page that simply states:

Sorry, Xanga.com has been shut down by its owner...

and thanks for all the fish!

 It all started after I read this old post of mine: Xanga For Sale and decided to see how the numbers have changed since then. In 2009, Xanga was ranked #688 among sites in the US. It is now ranked #3,756. Roseo places Xanga's valuation at roughly... *gulp*... $188,860! 

I'm praying this never happens.

In unrelated news, my oldest son is auditioning for the X-Factor tomorrow (Well, the registration is tomorrow. The audition is Wednesday.) So I won't be online during the day. I will check in tomorrow evening with pictures though!

I was tagged to do this some time ago, but I've only now gotten around to it. Such is the life of an fulltime/overtime father. Nevertheless, here's my Then & Now post.

THEN

Age I was given (by @aSeriesofFortunateEvents): 21

Where I lived: Los Angeles, California. I think at this time I lived with my 2nd oldest brother in a rented duplex about a mile from where my parents currently live. It was the front house. Small. One bedroom. Uninvited roomates of the insect variety were sometimes spotted. Although not so often as to make my skin itch with anxiety.

What I drove: I think I was driving my parents' old 1986 (87' maybe?) Mazda 626.

What I did: I was taking courses at El Camino College while working at Fry's Electronics in Manhattan Beach as a Customer Service Supervisor.

Who had my heart: No one at the beginning of the year. But by year's end I'd be smitten by a woman who would become my first wife and the author of both tremendous joy and unimaginable sorrow.

NOW

Age: 40

Where I live: Lawndale, California. I live in a house that I own with my best friend who also happens to be my wife.

What I drive: I currently commute to work in a black 2005 Infinti G35 Coupe. 

But when I'm not travelling to and from work, I'm riding in a 2000 Toyota Land Cruiser that seats up to 8. Our family currently occupies 7 of those seats.

What I do: I wear many hats at my current job. But my official title is Program Analyst for the Project Fatherhood program. But I also work in our agency's Research & Evaluation Center tracking, entering and evaluating data from our intake measures and blah, blah, blah...

Who has my heart: My lovely and simply gorgeous wife of nearly 9 years, Andrea. She, along with our 5 (almost 6) children, make my heart swell beyond measure and in ways I never thought possible.

Have questions about any of the things I wrote? Feel free to ask me!

So, being a fan of both @seedsower and @saintvi, I've taken a snapshot of my desktop at work. Here's what I look at... mostly.. when I don't have a gazillion programs and windows open that is.

I'll see if I can post a pic of my desktop at home (on my MacBook Pro) later.

Because there is a level of awesomeness that can only be defined and achieved by Claire herself, I present to you my very own (created specifically just for me) Claire survey.

1) Do you prefer spots or stripes? (please use a minimum of 32 words in your answer)
Hmm... this is a very good question. No. It's an average question with a very good answer in that it is mine and I support it. And this answer? It is ... Stripes.

2) If you were an antelope what would you eat and why?
If I were an antelope I would eat Godiva Chocolate Truffles and raisin bread. Why? Because if I were an antelope with reasoning enough to even have a 'why" about what I choose to eat, I would choose raisin bread and chocolate... and maybe a burger from Jack In The Box on occasion.

3) Imagine you were an aeroplane that is also a human.... like a transformer.... as in a human that can turn into an aeroplane to fly places.... you know what I mean.... now imagine that.... where would you fly?
Give me a moment... I'm imagining... okay, nearly there... wait... changing the spelling... alright, I'm there.

So, here I am Mr. Transformer Airplane Man and I have the day off from fighting bad Transformers who turn into things like parking tickets and TVs that only show reruns of Homeboys In Outer Space. Assuming my fuel supply is either unlimited, or my airplane runs on water, I would fly to a remote island in the middle of some vast expanse of water and take a nap. Then I'd fly to places I'd always wanted to visit (when not fighting evil)... like London, Sydney, and Kuala Lumpur.

4) Please define your personality in 5 words

• Personable
• Witty
• Caring
• Genuine
• Family-Oriented (it's a hyphenated word.. technicality)

5) If you had a box for your 5 best memories what would you put in it? (the answers 'I wouldn't want to put my memories in a box' or 'I couldn't possibly pick 5!' are not acceptable, but feel free to find a loophole which may or may not involve combining several memories into one)
Oh this is easy.

1. Proposing to my wife on December 13, 2003.
2. Our wedding day in Pacific Palisades on August 7, 2004.
3. The  9-day honeymoon that followed at a secluded 4 bedroom, 2-story house with my best friend and now wife.
4. &  5. The births of all of my children (we'll lump all those into the last two ).

6) How do you go to sleep?
Fairly quickly and pretty much any time I'm not actively participating in so... Zzzzz....

7) If you could have a title what would you choose?
Supreme Potentate and Lord of Sweet Creamery

8) If your life was a book what would you name it?
Dove, Thy Neighbor

9) How do you feel about living in a stair less house?
It's okay for now. But eventually when I'm like, 85 or so, I won't be able to use all the dangling ropes to climb to the second floor.

10) How do you feel about bacon sandwiches?
All other sandwiches pale in comparison.

11) Do you do much housework?
Of course! I install lightbulbs, wash clothes and dishes (separately), mow the lawn, install appliances and bathe children... all while juggling chainsaws.

12) What is your all time top favourite whale?
Sperm Whale

13) What is your all time top favourite ocean dwelling fish?

The Seahorse. Because it's a fish that looks like a horse.

14) Have you heard of the goblin shark?
Nope. But that would be an awesome gangster rapper name.

15) Can you guess why the last 3 questions were ocean themed?
Because I live next to the ocean and therefore should know more about aquatic life than most?

16) Do you know where Jamaica is? Please describe it.
Yes. It's situated roughly left of center on my map of the carribean islands with the word "JAMAICA" written across it.

17) What would you do if you looked up and saw a giant in front of you (please feel free to describe facial expressions, actions and your tone of voice as well as the words you may use)
I would briefly scream in an "Oh my... what the... aahhhh!" fashion while quickly wondering how something so large could've happened upon me so quietly that I didn't notice it until I looked up! Then I'd smile up at it and say, "Good day to you, sir or madam! Please don't step on me or my kin! Thank you very much!"

18) Have you seen all of the Lord of the Rings movies?
Yes. Including nearly all of the featurettes and bonus footage on the Special Extended Edition DVDs.

19) Have you seen a real live reindeer?
Yes. Dirty buggers. They visit me every year on December 25th and leave peppermint poop on my porch.

20) How are you?
I am doing quite well today! I survived that ugly bout of food poisoning and have now resumed consuming far more calories than I should in a day.