August Love In April

After 21 hours of labor and a quick dash to the hospital, my amazing wife Andrea bypassed all paperwork, walked into an unusually empty maternity ward at around 3:45am, and had a full staff of nurses at her disposal. 

By the time they got her into bed, she was already fully dilated and her water broke. The staff at Torrance Memorial sprang into action... 4 nurses and one awesome Doctor Rodriguez made quick work of transforming the labor room into a delivery room in less than 2 minutes. 

With her mother rubbing her arm, and her fabulous doula Liz Thai reassuringly holding her hand, one contraction and two pushes was all it took for little August Elijah to make his appearance in the world!

No matter how many times I bear witness, it never ceases to be a miracle before my eyes. 

Born on 04/02 at 4:02am. 8lbs, 2oz and 19.75 inches long... and we're done!

This is Part II of my series on FLIRTING. To read Part I, please click HERE.

RECAP: Flirting is an art form... There are methods that resemble artistic masterpieces, and others that resemble dirty scribbles on a dinner napkin. This post will help you determine where you fit in, or even IF you fit in.

Do you flirt? Yes, you do... whether you realize it or not. For most people, flirting is autonomic. Whenever you encounter a situation that calls for motivation, influence or even manipulation of some sort, the Flirt AutoPilot takes over and off you go!

So why is it that some people are better at it than others? Let's explore the many factors...

EXPERIENCE: As a friend once so aptly put it (and I'm paraphrasing), "The more I'm rejected, the better I become." In essence, this means that if you never try, you'll never succeed. Being good at flirting is something that you fine-tune over time. You find out what works for you, and you cultivate it... heavily. Some may think its silly, but people who spend time working on themselves, developing their best attributes, often see a significant increase in their success rate.

APPEARANCE: How you present yourself to others can mean the difference between success and failure. There's an old saying that goes, "A First Impression Is A Lasting One". You will almost ALWAYS be judged by by your first impression, no matter what you may say or do afterword. Your initial approach is a major factor. You are engaging in shameless self-promotion, so treat it as such. There are 3 KEY POINTS: 1) Wear colors that compliment your complexion... 2) Avoid clothing that emphasizes any part of your body disproportionately... and 3) Remember, "Provocative" and "Sleazy" are two VERY different things. You want to stimulate an interest, not an illness.

INTELLIGENCE: This may be a more difficult issue for some people. But for the rest of you Rhodes Scholars, read on. In addition to your outward appearance, your intelligence is also on display. Some women (and men) have pre-programmed rejection statements. You have to be prepared to offer a counter-statement, and you can't fumble over your words. Your level of wit is closely related to your level of intelligence. Insecurities can be overcome with knowledge... knowledge of who you are... knowledge of how you look... and knowledge of what you have to offer. This goes hand-in-hand with your self-confidence.

DETERMINATION: You should never throw in the towel as soon as you experience rejection. It WILL happen. I don't care what anybody says. Everybody, at some point in their life, will be rejected. You can be drop dead gorgeous and still get rejected. Why is this? Because the reality is that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". So you may very well be the apple of one person's eye, while being totally repulsive to someone else. Well, maybe not that dramatic. But beauty is, and shall always be, subjective. Understand and remember what it is that makes YOU attractive. Confident people project an aura of confidence that is very appealing. A rejection is not always what it seems. Some people need to be approached more than once. Some people play mind games (another tool of some flirts, but perhaps we'll address that in a subsequent post). Regardless, if you want something bad enough, you'll do what it takes to make sure you get it (within reason of course... and legally, mind you).

Okay, that's enough for now. Take this information and keep it for your records... or throw it out. But who knows... it may prove invaluable some day. Part III will probably be posted tomorrow, if I'm not at the hospital.

As a follow-up to yesterday's post, I was talking to a friend about this topic (if you've read me for any length of time, you'll discover that I often start posts with this phrase... what can I say, I talk to friends a lot ), which comes up every so often, and decided to share this post about it....

FLIRTING

DISCLAIMER: I am an insanely happily married man. So let me state up front that I do NOT advocate the abuse of flirting, such that it results in crushing someone's feelings, leading people on, or infidelity.

Is it an art form? Yes, I believe that it can be... when done correctly. But like any potential work of art, if the tools are in the wrong hands, it can result in chaos... and just because you possess the tools, doesn't necessarily mean than you can effectively use them. Flirting, as art, is usually referred to as Seduction, but for the sake of this post, I'll stick with Flirting. With that said, you're probably wondering, "What is he gettin' at??" 

It's simple... I was a shameless flirt for years. I say shameless because its something that I thoroughly enjoyed and had no qualms about. Some women have called me a tease... some have even said that I'm trouble (while smiling, mind you)... others just found it to be a mildly entertaining distraction... but whatever your opinion may be, when executed correctly, the results can be amazing.

The reality is that flirting is a game that we all play everyday... with our friends... with our family... with our coworkers and even complete strangers. We do it for different reasons... but to be good at flirting you have to first determine your goal, whether it be to win someone's affection... to influence a person's decision... to gain an advantage... or simply for the challenge itself.

I must admit that I've done it for many , if not all of these reasons at one time or another. But one of my main reasons is simply because to me... there was nothing more wonderful than the smile of a beautiful woman. I sought it... and that, in itself, was reward enough for me. But I digress...

Now how does one go about becoming a successful flirt, or what one would call a "Flirt Artiste"? There are some basic requirements:

1. Confidence: Confidence is key in maintaining a persons' interest. It is not the opposite of shy, as some would think. You can be confident and shy at the same time, but we'll discuss that later. Now there's a fine line between confidence and vain cockiness. It's up to you to find the balance. Plus, there is no one formula that works on every person... which brings me to the next requirement...
2. Ability To Read People: You must be able to tell what actions would be most affective with different personality types (and believe me, there are many). If you think all people are the same... you're dead in the water (dare I say "clueless") and you probably can't relate to anything I'm saying. Knowing where a person's interest lies will help you determine the best approach. Now you might think that it's hard to assess someone with a momentary glance. But the more you try it, the better and more accurate you become.
3. Sense Of Humor: This is a MUST HAVE. If you have no sense of humor, you basically have no chance. It is a proven fact that humor creates a level of comfort, which is why professional orators often open with a joke. A sense of humor can open the heart of the most emotionally guarded of people. It is what gets you in the door, over the wall, or access to the inner circle. Even if your sense of humor is a bit morbid, it can still be used effectively.

Those are just 3, but the list could go on and on. The bottom line is that you have to be self-assured of your ability before you even attempt to flirt. You have to know who YOU are before you venture out into the world of Flirting. There are several different flirt types. And although all of them can achieve the same level of success, you have to know which type you are.

Some people have an innate ability to flirt well, and I call those "Naturalists". I don't know many Naturalists, but when two of them get together?!? Buy tickets... 'cause it'll be one heck of a show! For a Naturalist, it just happens. They exude sensuality, but not in an explicit manner. Yet, you'll find yourself drawn to them without really knowing why...

Another flirt type is the "Revealer". These are people who will tell you up front that they flirt, and in doing so, will seduce you with subtlety. Some people find a Revealer's honesty to be intriguing and are influenced by their up-front nature. The victim perceives a challenge in being able to resist a Revealer, thinking it easy because of the Revealer's blatant attitude. But they don't realize that when they take an "I won't be fooled" posture, this actually opens them up to the very thing they are trying to avoid, and they wind up seeking the Revealer's exclusive attention. Back in the day, I was one of these Revealers. I flirted because I was rather good at it, and I enjoyed it, but I never mislead. But even when people were told directly, they perceived whatever they wanted, no matter what I said. Such is the excitement, and the risk, of Flirting.

Part II to come. But in the meantime...

RDT: Flirting

Looking back through some old posts, I came across my series on Flirting (which I may repost at some time in the future) and it prompted some questions that I'd like to ask all of you:

1. Do you flirt?
2. Should you flirt?
3. When should you NOT flirt?
4. Is it harmless?

Interpret the questions however you'd like. I'm just curious. Plus, it's Friday and this is probably all I've got for today.

TBT - DJ Buddy & Morris The Kat

Yes... before there was Myxl Dove, there was Morris The Kat. Back in the day, my rap name was Morris The Kat. And if you'd like to die from laughter, you can check out one of the songs from the album here: http://youtu.be/eF9ll03M6AM or simply Google "Morris The Kat". Yep, I'm old school...

Random Dove Thought: A Blind Eye

I've realized over the years that many people prioritize their friendship in two very distinct ways.

They have friends who become a priority for the things they do. They are mostly seasonal. Temporary. Prone to spoil. They last for as long as their unique action or mere presence is meeting a particular need. They are a convenience. Once they cease to be useful, they are discarded. For instance, some people become friends because they work together for the same company at the same location and can spend most of their time together... but only at work. As soon as either one of them is promoted, transferred or finds another job, all of a sudden maintaining that connection doesn't seem as important or necessary. It was seasonal and the season has passed. Like a summer romance.

Then there are those people who become a priority friendship simply because of who they are. These are the people who are kept around because they push you to improve or encourage you toward success. They offer you hope in pursuit of your goals. They can be mentors, counselors or people who share a life experience. They are usually permanent fixtures. You talk on the phone, connect through email, IM and text messages. You invite them to parties and celebrate milestones together. They are, for all intents and purposes, here to stay.

Sometimes the difficulty with establishing friendships is knowing into which category you fall. One of the worst feelings is finding out you were temporary when all along you thought you were permanent. I don't think anyone ever wants to feel as if their friendship is disposable. But the reality is that as deep as you think the well of connection may run, the other person may consider your friendship as shallow as a rain puddle. Temporary in the worst way. I've become very careful to quickly identify my position in someone's life. When you know where you fall on the friendship list, it's easier to deal with the inevitable conclusion.

I think the ambiguity of this process is exacerbated when it comes to online friendships. You put yourself out there and try to show yourself friendly in hopes of making a real connection. But some people can not reconcile the black box nature of technology and the internet with the fact that there are real people with real emotions at a particular IP address. They've convinced themselves that these people only exist online and when they sign off, they're essentially on pause until they return. Like a relationship DVR.

Some try desperately to find ways to circumvent the devaluation of their humanity with attempts to email, talk on the phone or meet offline. They want the other person to acknowledge their humanity. Affirm their worth. They hope that by these actions they might win them a coveted spot on the permanent friends list. And they turn a blind eye to the signs of the other person's changing season.

No Words

I fear all the words have drained out of my hands...

Best Gift Ever

Introspection can be a wonderful thing.

Last night I was chatting with someone I deeply admire and whose attention I always appreciate. There's one thing in particular that was said, that has been turning over in my mind ever since.  In response to my confession of getting a little teary-eyed while watching a movie, she said, "We can't help it, Riis. We're empaths. What we see, we experience. We feel it, too."

Empathy.

I'm familiar with it. But I didn't make the connection between it and the movie initially. I thought it silly to commiserate with fictional people. But it's not necessarily the people as much as it is the experience. The feelings of loss, hurt, determination, overwhelming joy. And all at once I realized that it's true. I can't help it.

I believe that is the main reason why my capacity for grace and compassion is beyond measure. My nature is to BE empathic. It's interesting because the logical, analytical part of me sometimes wonders why I'm this way. While the compassionate part of me can't imagine not being this way. She also said, "Feeling without restraint. Best gift ever."

Best gift ever.

Yeah, that it is. It's a gift I wish more people possessed. To know the depth of someone's pain or the height of their joy, to an intimate degree... can mean the difference between wise counsel and insensitive opinion. It turns acquaintances into friends and friends into brothers or sisters. It changes your perspective on the world itself. But I wouldn't trade this for anything in it.

Best.

Gift.

Ever.

We Love Sushi

In celebration of my Sister-In-Laws birthday (which is Friday, but she'll be on her way home then), we went to our favorite restaurant called Toyo Sushi...

My favorite, by far, is the Baked Lobster Roll.

But last night, I had the Baked Salmon Roll.

And we like to start early giving the kids a taste for sushi and a warm bowl of Miso Soup.

It's all because of...

...HER.

This was a picture I took this weekend during our last maternity photo shoot. It's the last we'll ever have as this is our last child. When I think about all that is wonderful in my life, it all comes back to this woman.