A Convenient Poverty

Let me start off by saying that this is NOT what I was planning on posting about today. I have plenty of photos of my darling children and beautiful wife that are just waiting to be included in a new Photoblog! But that will come later. Instead, I want to process my thoughts... just a little bit.

What about?

Well, have you seen the news stories about Ben Affleck taking a poverty vow? Apparently, he's teamed up with Live Below The Line in order to bring awareness to the plight of those who live in extreme poverty. This is all fine and dandy. I think bringing awareness to poverty and raising money toward the cause is fantastic.

My question is this...

While it's great to have celebrities on board to help spread the word, how realistic is it for a celebrity (or any wealthy person) to truly understand those who suffer through extreme poverty when, after the 5 days are over, they know that they can and will return to a life of affluence? I truly believe that there is a different mentality involved when you don't know where your next meal will come from today, tomorrow or next month. I think it's easier to commit to eating very little (or even not at all) for 5 days when I know that when those days are over I'll be able to have a hearty (and dare I say borderline gluttonous) meal.

This is no knock to Ben. I think it's admirable. I just don't see how the poverty vow can have any lasting impact on wealthy participants.

Spinning The ChocolatRouge

Childhood games... Freeze Tag. Hide and Seek. Ding, Dong Ditch'em. B-B Britches. I've played them all and I have fond memories of all the neighborhood friends and classmates who joined in. However, I can't say that I remember playing Spin The Bottle a lot when I was younger. I'm not sure why. Maybe it just wasn't popular among the crowd I hung out with. I know that it involved kissing the person at whom the bottle pointed. That could be both good and bad. But I think for some of the teenagers, kissing seemed... boring? lol

The game that was played most often at high school parties that I attended was Truth or Dare. These games were particularly interesting when those involved included people who secretly liked someone else in the group, or as an excuse for established couples to make out in public. There was the occasional dare that caused jealousy to rear it's ugly head when a girl kissed (among other things) a guy who was another girl's boyfriend or vice versa. But for the most part, it was all in good, albeit somewhat risque, fun.

A friend recently reminded me of the game of Spin The Bottle and it got me to wondering... I know how crazy my friends and I were as kids, but I wonder how different the game would be to play as an adult? Hmm... there goes that vivid imagination of mine (I mentioned to someone that it's one of my super powers ). So last night, after all the kids were in bed, I downed the last remaining drops of this delicious bottle...

Since the bottle was now empty (which it should be if you're going to use it), I was encouraged to spin it... and I did. When it finally stopped, it was pointing at the refrigerator. So, I looked inside and as one is obligated to do, kissed a strawberry.

Have you ever played Spin The Bottle or any other kissing games?

DOVE NOTE #63: The Magic Pill

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

Now this may be controversial, but I’m going to make the bold assertion that there are very few things more damaging to long term relationships than unspoken expectations (I call them The Ewwies as in, “The U.E’s”). These Ewwies come about when communication is relegated to an afterthought instead of a priority in the relationship.

So what could be worse, you ask?

Well, “worse” would be people erroneously assuming these unspoken expectations will somehow miraculously be met once they get married.  It’s almost as if they believe marriage is some Magic Pill that will communicate all of their hidden desires and make all of their relationship issues go away. Unfortunately, it’s a recipe for disaster if there ever was one.

Just recently a friend told me that he’ll be getting married in six weeks. I’m sure he noticed my facial expression, which was an unmistakable combination of shock and concern mixed with that pain stricken face you make when you swallow something hard.

I quickly caught myself and smiled. Although it certainly seems kind of rushed to me, I do realize it’s different for everyone. I mean, I’m all for marrying when the time is right. But to avoid the Ewwies I think it’s critical that some basic expectations are covered before walking down the aisle. So I just encouraged him to make sure he’s tackled some of the big topics with his soon-to-be wife, like:

1. Children (how many, if at all)
2. Child Rearing (spanking/discipline, education, and nutrition)
3. Finances (separate or joint accounts, who pays what)
4. Religion (Protestant, Jewish, Agnostic, Wiccan, Catholic?)

Disagreements in any of these critical areas can often become deal-breakers in a relationship. And failing to address them before marriage only serves to exacerbate the agony of the Ewwies. In the end, I’ve found that some of the best marriages are the ones with strong foundations built on effective communication… and successful avoidance of the Ewwies.

Love is a family heirloom. I plan to hand it down.

DOVE NOTE #49 – Joint Contributions

(from the forthcoming book “Dove Notes”)

My darling wife solely depends on me to keep her computer software and other technological gadgets up to date. It’s just one of many things about her that I find to be very endearing. She’ll often tell me when she wants to refresh the songs, photos or videos on her iPhone, and I happily oblige. When I recently upgraded her iOS, I suggested she sync it with iTunes on her new Macbook Pro. To which she replied with the most adorable of faces, “You’ll have to show me how to do that. You know that I have no idea how this stuff works.” I just smiled. Why?

Because I never mind doing these kinds of things for her. It makes me feel…  what’s the word… USEFUL. I’m sure most men like to feel useful. Just as I’m sure a lot of women could attest to this fact when they see their men approach situations from that typically male place of being a “fixer”. I mean, it’s always nice to feel needed, and adding songs to her iPhone certainly isn’t the only way my wife does this for me.

However, it got me to thinking… perhaps we’ve gotten to a place in our marriage where my wife feels like she doesn’t need to be an expert on certain things because she knows that I’ll take care of them for her. And it’s not just her. I’m sure this goes both ways since we’re a team. And being part of an effective team is knowing your partner has certain areas covered that you no longer need to worry about.  It’s truly liberating. Sure, there are things you could probably do yourself. But you have to decide what is important in your relationship. You don’t have to choose independence over connection. You can have both. So even if my wife eventually becomes a technology wizard, I’ll still appreciate her allowing me to contribute to our relationship in this way. It’s a beautiful thing. Especially when you realize there’s love demonstrated in both the giving and receiving.

Click >>HERE<< to view other Dove Notes in the series.

One of the drawbacks of texting when sleep deprived? Thinking a "Hope you're having a great morning!" text from your friend Amanda, actually came from your wife Andrea and responding with, "I'd rather be lying in bed with you."

Doh!

Songs That Remind Me Of People

Have you ever been listening to a song and the intensity and passion of the lyrics, or the emotions that encapsulate the melody made you think of someone in particular? Well, these two songs are very emotive and make me think of two particular Xangans (names withheld) every single time my work playlist gets around to them. I can picture their faces. I think of all they've experienced and what they're currently going through. I wonder how accurate some of the lyrics are and if they themselves would be able to relate. And I imagine these songs playing softly in the background... as a soundtrack for certain aspects of their lives. (I'll try to upload the audio later. Xanga won't let me do it right now.)

Save Her

by Kree Woods

VERSE 1
Can you show me that statement?
Can you show me where I signed?
Cause I'm praying for patience
since I'm running at you blind.

Was it you who gave my answer?
Was it you who stole my spark?
You want to save your darling dancer
from dancing way too close to the edge in the dark.

CHORUS
Well come on then and save her.
Come on then and save her.

VERSE 2
And it's getting late.
I'm growing tired of this whole charade.
And walking wires for you is getting old babe.
What if I misstep? What then?

CHORUS
Well come on then and save her.
Come on then and save her.

BRIDGE
Save me from my self destruction.
One more slip and I'll be dust dear.
Heavy hearted only wanting rest.

CHORUS
Well come on then and save her.
Come on then and save her.

Lonely

by Yael Naim

You are not alone, I am here with you
Even when you're scared, I'll never leave you
Standing in a storm

Making it insane, Once again, I would try
To enchain you, But you open your eyes to the sky
and whisper

That you are so lonely
You are so alone
You're so alone
You're so lonely, so lonely

So I'm colouring my face, While I am here with you
Imagining the landscapes of your sorrow
Is it yellow or blue?

Colouring the sky and the trees
and the clouds and the moonlight
I'd coloured your heart
If you didn't hide it

And I wish you could just find home
Mmm mmm

Are there any songs that remind you of particular people? What are they? And why do they make you think of certain people?

FLIRTING - Part III

This is Part III of my continuing series on FLIRTING. To read Parts I & II, please click here: Part I - Part II

RECAP: There are many factors involved with being a successful and effective flirt. Because, lets face it... if you're not effective, then you're probably not going to be very successful. Your goal is to achieve a specific result: winning someone's heart, influencing someone's decision, or just plain manipulation (which I abhor). You must address all of these factors: EXPERIENCE, APPEARANCE, INTELLIGENCE and DETERMINATION.

Someone asked the question: "Does all flirting occur in person?" The answer: NO. Let's take a look at some of the different ways that you can flirt with someone without being physically present...

You can flirt over the phone...

When on the phone, a person with a quick wit can easily identify occasions to lay it on thick. A good flirt knows how to listen and pick up key elements of a conversation for later use. For instance, if the person you're on the phone with mentions that they love old, silent movies. Later in the conversation, (after that topic has come and gone) you can mention the name of an old flick in passing, "Yeah, that kinda reminds me of The Gold Rush with Charlie Chaplin." This illustrates to the person that 1) You were listening and 2) You have similar interests. But let me reiterate that you must remember to allow sufficient time for the topic to have faded. Otherwise, it'll look like you're trying too hard.

You can flirt online (chat, IM, etc)...

This is one of my favorite forums for flirting. Partly because it allows you ample time to tailor your responses to the individual, and because you can flirt with several people simultaneously (not that I do that... anymore). To be a good Chat Flirt, it helps to know how to type... preferably more than 40wpm. Anything slower than that and you stand a good chance of losing the person's interest. If you're involved in Simultaneous Flirting, the standard typing speed jumps to about 75-90wpm (with mistakes). Simultaneous Flirting requires that you maintain a mental file of each person with whom you're chatting. You can't mix up names and topics. If you don't think you have the mental stability to keep track of your multiple chat windows, DON'T DO IT. If you ARE interested in trying it, start off slow... 2, maybe 3 windows at first... then when you get better you can graduate to 8 or 9 windows at once. SIDEBAR: It helps to have a 21" monitor at this point. Scrolling can shave precious seconds off your flirt time!

You can flirt via text or through social networks...

Because of the proliferation of smart phones, there are any number of ways to reach out to someone when physical interaction is not possible. The most basic of these methods is Texting (not to be confused with Sexting, which has very little to do with actual flirting, but is usually applied once flirting has proven successful). Texting, for all of it's FAIL moments and auto-correct blunders, is still one of the most effective tools for the seasoned flirter. The seemingly random text message that simply says "I miss you" or "Thinking of U" can really work to keep you on someone's mind as a bridge between seeing each other in person. The same can be said for Direct Message tweets, Facebook comments or photos and videos shared via Snapchat or Vine.

You can also flirt through email (which allows to write things that are more lengthy and thoughtful than texts will allow), with food (there was once a young woman who brought me her homemade banana pudding because she knew it was my favorite), and by proxy (having a friend or sibling relay messages). With proxies, I don't mean passing notes in class, but if you have a friend/sibling who knows and works with or attends a class/club with your person of interest, there's nothing wrong with having them bring you up in casual conversation or even make subtle suggestions about your interest.

Now, this should be obvious, but I'll say it anyway... if you're attempting to flirt with several people at once, none of them should EVER be aware of the other people with whom you're flirting. That is, unless you're a REVEALER. But I'll discuss how to manage multiple interests later.

Well, you've heard the quick and dirty version of the birth story, so I won't rehash that again. But they grow up so fast and I thought I'd share a few pictures of our dear August's  life so far... all 7 days of it.

I love this shot of him peacefully sleeping in the hospital room. There's something about these early days of sleep that seem so epically restful.

Of course, for the first couple of days there was more sleeping than anything else. Well, except eating. There was a ton of that, which was usually followed by being snuggled up with his gorgeous mama.

Here he is with my father, whom the grandkids affectionately call Papa Welch.

All the kids call my wife's mother Ama because it was too hard to say "grandma" when they were younger. And it just stuck.

Of course, I am a proud poppa.

The wife, the complete brood, and the maternal grandparents.

First ride in a car seat. He looks so tiny!

An August announcement. I hung this outside our bay window after we brought him home. We have a lot of dog walkers and moms with baby stroller passing by and they all stop to read it. Even one of our neighbors came over with a present because they saw the banner!

My mom, Granny Welch.

My brother, Uncle Myke.

And no day would be completely without the healing properties of Mommy kisses.

The Struggle With Hugs

I'll just come out and say it… I'm weird. Awkward. Maybe at times even a bit uncomfortable. To some, this isn't news. Or maybe it is. Whatever the case may be, I'm confessing my struggle with hugging.

Hugs, you say?

Yes, hugs. Let me explain…

I love hugs. I do. I think they are perfect for expressing affection for those you love, appreciation for people who've done something wonderful for you, and even as a greeting for those you haven't seen in quite a while.

The problem is that I'm painfully inconsistent. I may hug you on one day and not hug you the next. It has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I think it has more to do with over thinking the process. What I mean is this… I grew up thinking that guys don't hug. For any reason.

Did you brake your leg? Head nod with a grunt.

Did you just have a fight with your girlfriend? Shake head while saying, "Dude."

Did you just accomplish some major goal? Punch to the shoulder with a smile.

Now, with the exception of the common one-armed back pat with hands clasped between you, most guys I know don't hug. So it's not something I made a habit of doing. But this threw me WAY off later in life.

When I was younger, I had no problem hugging girls I dated or even my mom. My dad, on the other hand, was never a big hugger. Even now I think it surprises him when someone moves in for an embrace. But that's not to say that my dad isn't affectionate. We actually hug more now that I'm older.

Neverthless, with most friends and relatives, I probably confuse the heck out of them. Sometimes I'll immediately go in for a hug. Other times I'll wait for them to make the first move. And still at other times, there will be this awkward moment where neither one of us is certain if the other will offer a hug, so we'll do this weird wobbling until we either hug or one of us moves away to end the stalemate.

I don't know what causes me to do this. It's not intentional. But I fear I've gotten to the point where my inconsistency is to be expected, and to all of a sudden start hugging people regularly would make things even more weird… or awkward… or confusing.

Who knows?

All I can say is, if you see me, give me a hug. I will never refuse them.