The Inconvenience of Marriage

My wife and I like to cuddle up at home and indulge in the occasional Rom-Com after the kids have gone to bed. We did this Saturday night with a movie I won't name because I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, even indirectly. Anyway, like most Rom-Coms of late, I found the depiction of two married couples to be more than a bit offensive.

Why?

Because of how they decided to portray the families, and in particular, each couple. One of the couples had two kids, ages 4 and a newborn. The wife was constantly yelling and cursing at the husband, while the husband acted like a crass, apathetic fool with no understanding of social etiquette. Their 4-year-old was literally running around the room screaming like he was tripped out on drugs and the baby was somewhere off in the distance, crying and inconsolable.

The second couple had a baby that looked to be about 8 or 9 months old. They were insulting each other at every opportunity and it was more than obvious that resentment had built up in each of them to the point that they just didn't care anymore if they hurt each others feelings in public.

Now, I'm sure there are couples that behave this way. That's not what was offensive. What was offensive was the fact that they used these couples to illustrate what it meant to be married with kids as if this was the standard makeup of today's family. It was the writer's commentary on the torture of parenting and how it ruins otherwise good relationship, and was used in direct contrast to a couple of their single friends who watched these two couples implode and decided that it was better to have kids without the "inconvenience of marriage".

This was the foundation of the movie plot.

I had to pause the movie to voice my frustration at what has become an oft-used plot device of making marriage and parenting seem like punishment for falling in love. I couldn't understand why destructive, unhealthy marriages have proliferated among what are supposed to be ROMANTIC COMEDIES. I saw nothing romantic or funny about this.

My wife, the kind soul that she is, took my hand and attempted to soothe my frustration by explaining to me that the underlying message is that marriages are for more likely to succeed when the two people involved are best friends and not just lovers.

I accepted this explanation, albeit grumpily. I still think it's in poor taste to bash marriage and parenting. As if we don't have enough of that POV regularly reinforced by tabloids and other "reality" media. :-/

/rant

I know that @edlives and I have had more than a few people ask us questions about what to expect once the upgrade has taken place and Xanga 2.0 goes live. Well, having been on WordPress for a number of years now, I can at least give you and idea of what you can probably expect from the very beginning. But please keep in mind that these are just some of the features, and they may be implemented differently with the Xanga upgrade. Still, there's nothing wrong with looking under the hood at the engine, right? So let's take a look...

Comment Moderation

As I'd mentioned in my radio interview with Alex, one of the perks of the new platform will be the ability to moderate your comments.

This means that you'll no longer have to worry about your posts being spammed by people trying to get you to by replica watches, purses or shoes. Every comment will be hidden until you approve it. The settings allow you to approve every comment, or allow comments from people you've previously approved. This is my current setting. So if someone like @TheMarriedFreshman comments on one of my posts, it will allow her to comment on any subsequent posts without needing approval.

Group Blogs

Interested in starting your own -ish-type site on Xanga 2.0? Maybe something called "The Inkwell" for aspiring writers? You'll be able to do that with this platform. Each user will have their own login and password and you can assign administrative levels to each.

What's cool about this is that you can have any number of moderators who work collectively on blog content and help keep the posts fresh while appealing to a wider audience. And you'll still have the same tools for preventing spam.

Custom Themes

No two blogs will have to look alike. The sheer number of options available to the look and feel of your site means that you could have a new look for every day of the year if you wanted! Here are two of the blogs I currently run and they couldn't be any more different.

That's just a few of the perks of the upgrade. Now like I said, I don't know how Xanga plans to implement these in the upgrade, but I do know that they will be available to all users along with a slew of other very cool features like:

• Threaded comments
• Embeded media
• Individual Post Ratings
• Custom Polling
• and Real-Time Stats!

Just a glimpse of things to come. If you have any other questions, just ask!

For anyone who may be interested, I thought I'd recap my experience with The Big V (vasectomy). I'm on day 3 of recovery. Here's everything that led to today...

First of all, meeting with my Urologist was the final step before having the procedure done. I was told that, according to CA state law, I had to wait at least 21 days from the date of my appointment with the Urologist before I could schedule the actual vasectomy. This is considered a "cooling down period" in case I change my mind or if I'd been pressured by my spouse. Who knew? lol

As far as the procedure itself, I can tell you that my doctor used a needle-delivered anesthetic. This stuck out in my mind for two reasons, 1) while the needle itself was not very large, the syringe looked like it held way more anesthetic than was necessary, and 2) apparently I was "more sensitive than most patients" <-- (the doc's words... excuse me if I don't particularly like my family jewels poked!) and required three applications of the anesthesia (on each side) before I was at the point where there was no sharp shooting pain... which eventually did happen.

He made the incision using a scalpel and from what I could tell (since I couldn't actually see a lot) he used clips to grab the vas deferens in two places and then used scissors to cut between them. He then cauterized both cut ends (that's not something you want to smell) and used internal and external stitches to patch me up. The entire process, for both sides combined, took about 15-20 minutes. And while it wasn't painful, that unnatural feeling of having your insides moving around is something I will not soon forget.

I was told to do absolutely nothing for the first 24 hours. So I've stayed in bed and watched movies and TV shows. I can take a shower after 72 hours and can resume sex after a week. I have an appointment in a week as a follow up to make sure everything is healing okay. He also mentioned that I won't be considered sterile until I come back in for a test after I've had 21 ejaculations (which apparently is the number necessary to ensure there is no residual sperm in the semen). Since there is no timeframe for how soon that might happen, they told me to count. lol My wife has agreed to assist me with this part.

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.

So um, are you busy this afternoon?

Yep. I'm asking you out.

I'm thinking that you and me could maybe spend about an hour together this afternoon/early evening, perhaps? I'd love to just sit and talk with you about... well, anything. Because I'm rather smitten by you. Yeah, you.

Come meet me at Alex's place. Alex Chan, aka @Roadlesstaken, will discuss and reminisce about Xanga with me as the special guest for the 4th episode of his radio talk show! Listeners will get a chance to join in the conversation towards the second half of this 30 minute broadcast as well. You can call in to speak with the host and guest: (914) 338-0968. Live chat room is also available at http://roadlesstakenradio.chatango.com/.

So it's BlogTalkRadio with me and Alex Chan. This afternoon at 3pm PST/6pm EST. Spend some time with me. I  promise you'll be glad you did.

I put together this post for those who may be concerned that Xanga's transition to the WordPress platform means it'll simply be WordPress with a Xanga sticker across it. That couldn't be further from the truth. The WordPress platform is completely customizable. As such, Xanga has a ton of options if it decides to streamline the website and update the User Interface. Check out these other cool websites powered by WordPress! The names of the sites are links to the site if you'd like to explore a little further.

Prosperity Candle

FXB International

Healogix

CBS Local Los Angeles

Bear Grylls Live

Gadget-O

Where To Find Me

HERE... on Xanga.

I will be here on July 15, 2013. I will be here on July 16, 2013. I will be here on February 14, 2015 saying "Happy Valentine's Day" to all the TBO's (which should be well over 200 by then). And I will be here on December 25, 2021 wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and celebrating my 20th anniversary on Xanga.

Why am I saying this?

Because I want people to know that while many people are preparing for life away from Xanga, there are plenty of people who are not only sticking around, but looking forward to the renovations that are taking place and what they bring. There are also a ton of people contributing to the crowdhosting campaign: HERE. I think it's important to point out that, according to the number of crowdhosting rewards claimed (which only amounts to approximately $8,500), there's been more than $10,000 contributed in addition to memberships purchased. Many people have contributed to the campaign just because they love Xanga. That's very encouraging.

I do understand that not everyone can or even wants to stay. And that's fine. People have their reasons. They are free to choose and free to have their opinions. I just want make it very clear that when this ship finally leaves port heading for Xanga 2.0, I'll be on board.

Since people are so freely stating their opinions one way or another on the topic of Xanga asking for people to pay to blog, I figure I'd toss my own into the hat.

There's nothing inherently wrong with Xanga asking for the community's financial support. I've been on many social networks, dating all the way back to CompuServe (for those old enough to remember). Both CompuServe and AOL (as a start-up) were paid services. You couldn't even log on without paying. Sure, those days have come and gone. But I just want people to keep in mind that pay-to-play service is nothing new.

Nowadays, we see it all the time with apps for smart phones. You can download the free version and play up to a certain level, but if you want to play advanced levels or get additional enhancements, an in-app purchase is required. Xanga is woefully behind in this, and many other areas.

WordPress, on which I've had an account for several years now, is similar in that you can create a blog for free, but there are enhancements that require payment... certain themes, upgrades and the ability to customize your URL.  

Some people have asked the legitimate question, "Why would I pay for something I can get on WordPress for free?" I think the part that you may be missing is the fact that Xanga is not going to be a rebranded WordPress with a Xanga logo taped over it. WordPress is simply the engine over which to build Xanga's new blogwagan (so to speak). Much like Ford or Honda make engines that can then be used to build other types of vehicles. Xanga is not asking us to pay for WordPress. Although we don't yet know what the new car will look like, we're being asked to invest in bringing the prototype to market. If I were to guess, it'll probably be similar to the revamp of www.Lovelyish.com, if you haven't yet seen it.

For me, Xanga was never about who owned it or was in charge of it. It's always been about the people who chose to make a home there. Here's my crappy analogy... you don't buy a house in a particular city because you like the Mayor. You buy a house because you love the location, the schools and the community. That's what Xanga has been and still is for me.

So look at it like this... it isn't a campaign fundraiser for Xanga mayor, this a fundraiser to improve the neighborhood with new parks, street maintenance and a more effective community-led police force. If you enjoyed the community before, I think you'll enjoy it after the improvement are completed. Sure, there may be a few places still under construction when we move back in, but in the end it'll all be worth it.

You can donate here: Xanga Crowdhoster

Most of us have heard that Xanga, my beloved blogging platform of more than a decade, is in danger of closing it's doors. According to John, they are now at a crossroads, as their lease is up soon on the networking facility where they've been hosting their servers. As the status quo is no longer possible, they've been working to figure out the best way for the Xanga community to move forward.

They are currently working to port Xanga to the open source blogging software WordPress, and reinvent the site together with the community. But doing so costs money. So they are launching a Kickstarter-style fundraising effort to help cover the following:

* The costs of setting up new hardware at a new data center/hosting facility.
* The costs of programmer/webmasters to get the site up and keep it running.
* The costs of running the site day to day

Xanga has raised $14,900 with 64 people giving so far. That means the average gift was $232.00  They're offering a 5 year membership for $240.00. That means we would only need to get 187 people to give $240.00. That something we can definitely do. I would love if you could give more but getting 187 to give $240 is well within our reach! I'm seeking your help in making this a reality by contributing to the campaign. All you have to do is head on over to the crowdhoster site at the link below. Thanks!

https://xanga.crowdhoster.com/relaunch-xanga

Dead Letters

You know, I've been thinking a lot about how Xanga is making an archive of our blogs available for download (if they ever get the link fixed). While I think it's great to have a record of everything I've written, what has become apparent to me is that the things that make what I've written so valuable are the INTERACTIONS that have taken place... the comments, inside jokes, references to previous posts or other people's blogs. Those are the things that make my words a living, breathing thing. It means my blog is ALIVE.

Now, I'm not saying that I don't plan on saving a copy of my archive. But to save them to my hard drive and tuck them away would simply make them dead letters. And if things don't work out for the transfer, all of those words will only serve as a shrine to the memory of a season that has come and gone. I will most likely transfer many of my favorite posts to my WordPress account. But if things work out and Xanga successfully ports Xanga to the WP platform, it'll feel like my blog was resuscitated after suffering cardiac arrest.

For anyone who hasn't heard yet, Xanga is in critical condition: http://thexangateam.xanga.com/773587240/relaunching-xanga-a-fundraiser/. I called it back in 2009 with my "Xanga For Sale" post.

For anyone who's interested in staying connected, regardless of what happens to Xanga, come on over and join us on the Xangaville Facebook Group. We currently have over 200 displaced Xangans as members. We'll keep everyone posted on what's happening with the fundraiser.

Also, for anyone who wants to connect with me via other social networking sites, my information is on the right side with all the links you need. ----->