Tender Heart

The more time you spend with someone, the more you learn about them. You find out about their families and where they grew up. You discover their likes and dislikes. You understand their histories and how they contributed to the people they've become. You also learn about their areas of sensitivity. My approach is to take all of this information and use it to build the other person up. You encourage them. You support them. You affirm them. And most of all, you listen. It's part of what you do with people you love.  

As many of you know, I'm a singer/songwriter. Most of the songs I write stem from personal experiences. They are either born of things I've done, things I've seen, or things I've heard about. Well, I wrote a song called "Tender Heart" a few years ago. It came about after a discussion with a friend who was going through a particularly rough breakup. In writing the song, the content dealt with knowing that this particular person has been hurt before and that hurt has caused them to become cautious and sensitive in matters of the heart. The song came together quickly and I was excited to share it with her. And when she heard it, she loved it.

I post it now because it seems to relate appropriately to something that went down today. Someone else whom I love. She doesn't care for public praise or displays of affection. But perhaps she won't mind a simple song.

I wish I could say that I can count the number of times I've made a mistake on one hand. But I can't. My mistakes are many and I will surely make more. I only hope that each one becomes a learning experience so that I never make the same mistake twice.

And so I present, Tender Heart:
  

LYRICS

CHORUS
There is nothing I won't do to show I love you...
'Cause I know, your heart is oh so tender
I will love you everyday, so don't be afraid...
'Cause I know, your heart is oh so tender

VERSE 1
I understand that guys you've known before,
Have hurt you and you don't want to hurt no more.
Just know that the love I gave is pure.
It's pure.
I cant' erase what happened in your past.
But I can give you love that gonna last.
Show you that we don't have to move too fast.
Just tell me when, 'cause you know...

VERSE 2
It's okay girl I just want to let you know,
We can take it slow.
I want this love to grow over a lifetime.
Your heart will heal as we go 'cause this love is strong.
Work it out til the end no matter how long.
Erase the pain, 'til it's all gone.
Girl we can't go wrong, cause you know...

...and yes, the production, arrangement and vocals are all me.

$40,000 by July 3rd

Xanga is at $31,902 to save xanga.  Along with @thetheologianscafe and @edlives, I want to put out a challenge.  I want us to hit $40,000 by the end of July 3rd.

Predictions

It's Friday. And this particular Friday is also payday! So I'm feeling all kinds of generous and happy. In line with my financially-induced euphoria, I'd like to make some predictions regarding Xanga 2.0...

Prediction 1: Xanga will surpass its fundraising goal. The key here is NOT that I believe "X" number of Xangans will pay "X" amount of dollars over the next 18 days. What I believe will be the case is that Xanga 2.0 will happen largely because the more than 350 people who've pledged to the campaign already, will be the incentive for additional angel investors (of whom some have already contributed more than $10,000 in funds not associated with rewards).

Prediction 2: Xanga 2.0 will launch with a scaled-down (feature-lite) version that will still be free for those who can't afford (or simply refuse to pay) the $48 annual fee. Why do I predict this? Because the final iteration of Xanga 2.0 will not be designed as a deterrent to growth. The logical approach to preventing this would be to follow the current business model for launching successful apps and premium sites, which is to provide a lite version that, while functional, emphasizes the benefits of the paid version and encourages people to upgrade to enjoy the spectacular features that come with premium membership.

Prediction 3: Xanga's community will return to its organic roots. In one of my previous posts, a couple of people pointed out some of the interesting practices that Xanga's early-adopters employed to get connected. For instance, the now obsolete "RYC:" was used extensively before the ability to reply was implemented. What this did was redirect people to the original blog to see what comment they were referring to, and in doing so, increased traffic to that person's site. What I believe we'll find with Xanga 2.0 is that in addition to promotional tools on the new platform, some of the new features will lend themselves to increasing organic traffic from one site to the next. So instead of traffic that would come from front page advertising, you'll get traffic that comes from word-of-mouth. And as any person would probably attest, word-of-mouth promotion builds stronger relationships.

How so? Well look at it like this...

Let's say you saw an ad in a local paper that included a coupon for an oil change. If you decide to go to that place, you'd present them with the coupon and say, "I'd like an oil change." The person would take your coupon, change your oil and send you on your way. This scenario is simply a business transaction.

But let's say that you're talking to your neighbor Bill about the high price of oil changes and Bill says, "You know what? I think you should go check out Joe's auto shop. I've been going to him for years and he charges very little for an oil change." So you head over to Joe's shop and the first thing you say is, "Hey there Joe! Bill recommended you to me for an oil change." and Joe might say, "Oh yeah, I know Bill! Great guy!" After Joe tells you his dirt-cheap price, you agree to have him change your oil. While he's doing that, the two of you start chatting about how you both met Bill, your frustration with dealerships and you find that he can help with some of your other car issues as well. This scenario is relationship building. And so Joe becomes your go-to auto shop and somewhere down the line, you refer someone else to Joe.

This is how we will build community organically in Xanga 2.0.

I know I'm putting myself out on the line with these predictions. But I'm pretty confident Xanga 2.0 will happen. If it doesn't, no one will be able to refer back to this post to check how accurate I am.

#WeAreXanga

Professional Trolling

WARNING: You may not like what I'm about to say. And while I won't apologize for it, I will say that you are more than welcome to voice your dissent, as long as it remains respectful.

I usually don't bother much with Xanga's Spin-Off sites, those we affectionately (debatable, I know) call the -ISH sites. I may occasionally add a comment or two to a post that catches my eye. But for the most part, even when things get somewhat heated over there, I usually choose to observe from a comfortable distance. However, I must say that I found a particular post on Momaroo the other day to be, how should I put it... full of revelation.

How so? Well, let's look at a post that has since been deleted... (don't you just love the ability to take screenshots? lol)

Okay, after I had a chance to recover from the absurdity of the pictures and the question prompt....

...to actually read this post, and the comments that followed which captured my attention...

...there were a couple things I was able to immediately discern...

1) Momaroo must really believe that posts which focus on controversial topics or borderline offensive content will help drive traffic (have you read the post about Paula Deen? I suppose it's relevant to Momaroo because, um... uh... wait, wait... give me a minute... erm... Oh, I got it! Because she has children? ), and

2) although the tag line for the site says "Real Moms, Real Blogs" the administration over there apparently doesn't like "Real Comments" from "Real Readers". 

While I won't post a screenshot of any particular exchange (I assure you it's nothing a quick browse of the site couldn't confirm), suffice it to say that those who comment are often sometimes berated for their opinions. This seems rather strange considering the fact that it's the readers who contribute to the site's success. So to insult your readers would seem counter-productive to me. But hey, this isn't my ball of yarn...

I mean, let's look at it for what it is... a public site with publicly posted blog entries designed to entice and entertain the general public. Should you not expect to have a certain number of people who disagree with you publicly? That's a given for any site that regularly posts publicly in regard to personal opinions. And guess what? You don't even have to defend yourself! Just put it out there and let it run its course.

As a content writer for other printed and online publications, one of the first things they taught me was to not take things personally. If you want the traffic, accept the criticism that comes with it. Otherwise, make it a members-only site where only pre-screened, non-combative readers are allowed. If you don't, you'll paint yourself as the professional who trolls their own audience.

Of course, this is just one man's opinion. I welcome you to decide for yourself and voice your support or disdain in my comments.

So here we've come to the 2013 installment of "10 Things I Wish I Could Say To..."

I originally borrowed this idea from Blessed_Enigma back in 2009.  
If you'd like to see previous editions, find them below:

• 2009 is HERE
  
• 2010 is HERE
  
• 2011 didn't happen
  
• 2012 is HERE
  

Anyway, here goes something...

1. There are often times when I sincerely desire your undivided attention.
2. Your comments make me smile. Not just because of what you say, but the fact that you've commented at all.
3. I honestly don't understand your constant pessimistic attitude toward life.
4. I am very much in favor of you being alive for as long as possible.
5. You are the person I would invite to call me anytime you needed someone to talk to. But I'm mindful of the implication that may have.
6. We could/should be best friends. Seriously.
7. If things were different, I would probably be a lot more like you.
8. It makes a difference to me that you don't flaunt your intelligence in a pretentious way.
9. Your physical appearance, while amazing, is nowhere near as attractive as your mind. Don't hide it.
10. You deserve a healing love. If I could clone myself, I'd gladly be that for you... or at least, the other me would.

Act Like A Girl aka I'm Overthinking Again

I have no problem admitting that I like Demi Lovato's music. I think she's a pretty good singer, not to mention very attractive. But that's beside the point.

What is my point?

Lyrics. See, she has this new single out called "Heart Attack" which basically talks about her fear of falling in love again. She sings that if she ever did that, she'd probably have a heart attack. Yeah, cute.

Anyway, there's one part of the song where she says "But you, make me wanna act like a girl..." and every time I hear that part it kinda bothers me. What bothers me is the implication that there's something wrong with a girl acting like a girl. She says nothing specifically about being a tomboy or perhaps a butch lesbian. But in the context of the song, wanting to wear perfume, high heels or paint her nails is considered a bad thing. Or at least something you would only do to impress a boy.

Yeah, yeah... I'm overthinking the lyrics for sure. I KNOW that she simply means that being around this guy makes her want to do things that she doesn't NORMALLY do. I get that. I just don't understand why she chose THAT particular phrase as a way to demonstrate  uncharacteristic behavior.

I mean, c'mon... the truth is that if the gender tables were turned and a guy sang, "But you, make me wanna act like a boy..." it would be nearly impossible to spin that implication into something trivial. You'd probably have ongoing debates about social emasculation, metrosexuals and discrimination against effeminate heterosexual men.

And yet, with songs like this one, girls are being told that you don't NEED to act like a girl as if there's something inherently wrong with being girly. I'm not knocking girls who prefer trucks and army men over dolls and dress-up. I just think there should be positive reinforcement of either choice instead of making one out to be better than the other.

The irony? In spite of all that I've said, I really, REALLY like the song! lol

Okay, okay... I'll stop now. Turning my brain off.

My first begotten son has officially graduated from high school... *tear*

There are many people about whom we might say that we've "known their entire lives". But when it comes to the accuracy of that statement, it couldn't be any more true than as it applies to my own children... all 6 of them.

Why do I say this?

Because in less than ONE day, TWO significant things will take place at the same time...

My oldest son will graduate from high school, and it will also mark his 18th birthday.

I can honestly say that I couldn't be more proud of the young man he has become. I consider it a privilege that God allowed me to be chosen as the bloodline into which he was born. But the bigger blessing is the honor of being his father. And the joy of witnessing his transition from toddler to teen as he approaches and appropriates his manhood.

So this is a dedication to my namesake...

My first-born...

My son...

Maurice Welch Jr.

And if you would indulge me a bit further, allow me to list just a few of his awards and honors he's received throughout his high school academic career...

• Principal's Honor Roll: Grades 9, 10, 11 and 12 for 3.5 GPA or higher
• National Society for High School Scholars: Grades 10, 11 and 12
• National Honor Society: Grades 11 and 12
• National Thespian Society: Grades 11 and 12
• Tavis Smiley Leadership: Grades 9, 10, 11 and 12
• National Young Leaders: Grades 9, 10, 11 and 12
• All American Scholar Winner for the United States Achievement Academy: Grade 10
• National Mathematics Award: Grade 10

 He will be attending the University of Southern California (USC) in the fall on a full academic scholarship.

Going Down With The Ship

I've heard a lot of talk about how people loved Xanga. Past tense. They've mentioned the importance it has played in their lives and how much they'll miss it when it's gone. Gone? Gone where? Xanga is still here! In response to which I've had people tell me that Xanga is "like a sinking ship". (uh oh, here comes another analogy ) But what some people see as a sinking ship, I see transforming into a submarine. Xanga 2.0 will create the ability to navigate under water, not just on top of it.

In spite of the doomsday prophesies that proliferated in the initial days of the relaunch announcement, people are continuing to blog normally. And by normal, I simply mean, not every post is about Xanga potentially shutting down.

People are still posting tributes to those we've lost (@baldmike2004). They are still sharing stories about their random weekend (@aseriesoffortunateevents). And they continue to upload photos of nature and their adorable children (@Erika_Steele).

Life on Xanga hasn't ended.

So even though you may think the site is going down. I'm here to tell you that this couldn't be further from the truth. And come July 15th, although the view may change, this vessel will sail on.

Sail on, Xanga. Sail on...

I read a quote once that went something like, “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” That was ringing in my thoughts after a conversation I had with my brilliantly insightful wife about friends a while back. See, for a long time I couldn’t say that I had very many close friends. That’s not to say that I didn’t have people that I cared deeply about. But aside from my wife and parents, there were maybe 2 other people on this earth that I felt I could trust implicitly.

The more I thought about it, the more it made me wonder if perhaps I had created walls that I was silently hoping people would care enough to break down. Was I baiting people? Were my friendships going to be based on some arbitrary display of perseverance? Would I take the fact that people hadn’t yet attempted to circumvent my relationship walls to mean they don’t really care about me? And then, in the absurdity of it all, turn around and feel as if this would allow me to not care either and so cast them aside?

Heaven forbid…

It’s not that I thought people were disposable. But I could very well have pushed them away unintentionally with these walls of my own invention. The design of which is really not very fair. I mean, what kind of deep relationship could I really expect to gain if I made someone jump through hoops that THEY may or may not even realize exist?

I had to do some soul searching to figure out what this was really about.

It became clear that it was partly/mostly my own fault. There were people with whom I believed I could have a really close relationship. Some of them had actually pursued me. But I hadn’t reciprocated much if at all. Was it because I was a horrible person? I don’t think so. Instead, I’d convinced myself that it’s an issue of time. With all of the chaos that I’d been dealing with at any given moment, I told myself that I didn’t have the time to dedicate to the cultivation of a deep friendship with someone else. At one point I actually said to someone, “I really enjoy hanging out and talking with you, but I can’t give you the kind of things you want from this relationship and I don’t want you to constantly be disappointed when I don’t come through.” Unfortunately, this went against my own belief that you will make time for those things (and people) that are important to you. My wife called that a cop out.

So where did I go off track?

I think it was simply a defense mechanism. After being wounded in past relationships, I hadn’t really allowed an opportunity for anyone get close to me. I mean, not REALLY close. Yeah, I could share interests and show compassion and provide encouragement to others. But that was all about giving and nothing about receiving. Few people knew the details of the things that I struggled against on a daily basis. Heck, my blog audience probably knew (and still knows) more about the intimate details of my life than people offline. I believe it was an underlying fear of rejection. The less I put myself out there, the less chance I had of getting hurt. But I couldn’t live my life in fear of potential pain inflicted by others.

After that talk with my wife, I found myself lamenting the lack of deep friendships. It was then that I decided that I needed to pursue people.

Slowly. Just 1 or 2 in the beginning. But it was a start.

I’m curious if I am alone in this…

Does anyone else struggle with developing close friendships? I mean, the real friendships. Not superficial, mere acquaintances or people who want to be more but you’ve friend zoned them. I’m talking Best Friends. People you’d protect with your very life if necessary. Is that a challenge for anyone else?

Because in spite of the obstacles I’ve created in the past, I genuinely want those kind of people in my future.

Broken walls and all.