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| If you ever find that your house/apartment/shack/shoebox has been selected to host any type of social event – whether it be a friend’s birthday party, graduation dinner or movie screening for 20 Twihard teenagers – there are a few things you should know about proper hosting etiquette. And no, I don’t mean knowing how to tri-fold a napkin or failing to appreciate proper table settings. I’m talking about more critical things… like how to make sure your wife feels appreciated, and most importantly, like she’s not the only one responsible for pulling it all together. First of all, understand that this is a place where you live TOGETHER and as such, preparation should originate from a place of collective pride in the home. If you both (and your children, if you have any) contribute to its “lived-in” look, then you both (including said children that may or may not exist) should contribute to the initial cleaning, setup and presentation.  Secondly, be aware of the order of events. This means, discuss what is going to take place and when, and who’s responsible for each part BEFORE your guests arrive: What times does it start? What time does it end? Who’s being honored/celebrated and why? Who’s been invited? Who couldn’t make it? What kind of food is being served? As the host, you should know the answers. Plus, the last thing you should want (and your stressed wife needs) is for someone to come up and ask you a simple question that you should know, but don’t. What’s even worse is you looking happily befuddled while redirecting people to your wife for answers. And lastly, when it’s all said and done… and the final inebriated guest has been shoved into a cab or a sobbing teenager has been carried away by a “Team Jacob!” mob driving a symbolic hybrid SUV, do NOT ask if your wife needs help cleaning up while you scoop the last bit of guacamole from the serving bowl. It’s like asking someone if you should call the fire department while their house goes up in flames. JUST. START. CLEANING.  Contrary to popular belief, while mom may be the interior designer of the home, she does not want to be the taskmaster. She shouldn’t have to ask for your help. It’s everyone’s responsibility to put the house back in order. Doing so not only communicates to your wife that she isn’t the default janitorial staff of the house, it also lets her know that you (and those rambunctious children you created) desire and appreciate a clean house just as much as she does.
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| For those looking for a stable, long-term relationship (LTR), there’s something very, VERY important that you need to know, understand and accept about LTRs: No One Stays The Same. Now don’t laugh and shrug this off. Sure, you may think that this is nothing new and that you were already aware of this fact. But I’m not talking about changes like people growing in maturity (or immaturity in some cases) or having your taste in clothes or music change over time. No. What I’m referring to is the all-too-real truth that as you get older, your appearance will inevitably change. This WILL happen no matter how many creams you apply or workouts per week you manage to fit in. The fact remains that you will never look like you did at 18 when you’re 40, and neither will your spouse. 
Now this is not to say that either of you will look bad necessarily. I’m pretty sure there are lots of people who become more attractive as they get older. All I’m saying is that when it comes to lasting love, don’t base your inward commitment on outward appearances. You or your spouse may gain weight, lose hair or even develop liver spots. But when you endeavor to remember all the wonderful qualities that make them the most important person in your life, you’ll grow to appreciate those changes and the years of love and adventure that accompany them. | | |
| If you remember nothing else of the things I’ve written, please remember this when it comes to one of the key differences between intimacy for men and women: For many men, intimacy originates from the eye. For many women, intimacy originates from the heart. 
Is one better than the other? Not necessarily. I believe they both serve a useful purpose. Men are more visual. Because of this, they help bring an appreciation for physical beauty that translates into affirmation for every female body type. Meaning, some men prefer short, stout women, while others prefer their women to be tall and skinny (and everything in between). This reinforces the truth that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that women shouldn’t be overly concerned with looking like someone else. Aside from issues concerning health, they are encouraged to be comfortable in their own skin. Women are more emotional. They bring balance to intimacy by preventing it from developing into what would otherwise become a very superficial pursuit. One that, when carried out, is a detriment to relationships of any true depth. They also help men learn to understand the relationship between the “physical expression of an emotional connection”. This curbs some men’s tendency to be selfish in pursuit of physical pleasure. This supports the healthy mindset that women are more than just arm candy and their value shouldn’t be reduced to that of a sex toy. I honestly believe that it’s understanding these divergent motivations for intimacy that allow us to make a deeper connection with one another and bring about greater sexual satisfaction overall. The bottom line? Don’t settle for a one-night stand when you can have a whole-life adventure. | | |
| I haven’t been posting lately because I've been focusing on my new startup business. But more recently it was because my wife had been seriously ill last week and I’d been home taking care of her and our 3 small children. I’ve always admired and appreciated the way my wife takes care of our family of 7. I knew it was no small task. But it was only until staying home with them last week that I really understood all of the super human characteristics necessary to even manage to get dressed each day! Let alone juggling nap times, breakfast, morning activities, lunch, outside playtime, trips to the store (or park or MOMS club event), appointments, and still find time (and sanity) to make dinner! OMG!!! I used to think SAHM meant “Stay At Home Mom”. Now I know what it REALLY means… “Supernatural Ability to Handle Multitasking“. :-/ Anyway, in light of talking about my superwoman wife, here’s a highlight from last week with the kids… Me: “Okay Aaron, if you want to play with the Legos, you have to clean up the sand toys outside.” Aaron: (5 years old, going on 25 and whining) “Dad, I can’t do it. It’s too much!” Me: “What do you mean you can’t do it? It’s already been done! I’m asking you to undo it.” Aaron: (giggling) “Dad… you’re silly.” Me: “Yep. It’s one of my super powers.” | | |
| As a society it seems as if we value just about everything as it ages. Things like… Wine: (Paul Masson "We will sell no wine before its time") There seems to be a general belief that when it comes to wine, older is definitely better. People have paid out extraordinary amounts of money to own rare and highly sought after spirits. And houses: Although most houses fall into the "decrepit" category after 100 years (or less in some cases), there are still many houses (even older) that are considered "vintage" and sell for a premium, especially American Craftsman Style homes if they have all or most of their original "built ins" or have been designated historical landmarks. And of course, baseball cards: The most expensive baseball card in the world right now is one from 1909 that was sold for a staggering $2.8 million! Now, while I certainly think all of these aged-collectable are nice, the most notable and surprising exception to inclusion in this time-established ranking of seniority... is people. It’s really sad to me that as people get older, instead of treating them with respect and dignity, many of them are treated like a nuisance. An inconvenience at best. We cast our elderly aside like yesterdays newspaper. Maybe good for recycling, but more likely to be used as lining in bird cages. Where is the honor many of the aged among us so rightfully deserve? When did we become so careless with our ancestry? I’ve purposed to simply record conversation with my older relatives, especially my parents. I sit and ask questions about a bygone era that shaped the people they eventually became. People who fell in love, got married and gave me life. I realized a long time ago that there is so much to be learned from their lifetime of experiences. I learn about our country’s history from a first-hand accounting of events. I learn about the transformation of what constituted entertainment. And I learn about our community both large and small, as well as its victories and its defeats. So just remember, by the grace of God, we’ll all get old eventually. Make the time to give your elders the time and attention they deserve. Because the hearts of this extraordinary population, and the wisdom-laden information they provide are in a word... priceless. | | |
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